Breaking Blame™ – Man kills neighbours goat whilst wearing womens clothes and high on “Bath Salts”. (plus other stories of Blame you may have missed from the week)

May 6, 2011

Fuck Blimey, it’s been a week already! In that time so much blame has fallen onto the Internet highway that it must be time to do a bit of digging and retrieve some of that delicious, mud slinging blame… mmmm

Sony. They used to make Walkmans, remember them? Technological icon. If your heart was beating during the 80′s and 90′s then two things are fundamentally clear; you were probably listening to shit music and you were probably listening to it through a Walkman. But then the Internet and Cd’s came along and raped the Walkman dry; time for a paradigm shift. Enter the PlayStation.

Ipods older, uglier, slower, retarded, inbred cousin

Unfortunately Sony has been so successful with its flagship gaming console that every game player in the universe uploaded all of their personal and financial details onto the online gaming network and then Sony lost it all in one of the biggest online identity theft mega crimes in the world. Unless you are blind and haven’t seen the news, essentially what happened is that someone or something caused all of the online information stored on the Sony gaming servers to be breached and a billion indiviuals’ bank and credit card numbers went public; Sony went offline; shares crumbled; Sony went into meltdown; someone has to be blamed. Well.  Sony has shifted blame back onto the Anonymous hactivist group.

“Sony has discovered a file named “Anonymous” planted on one of the Sony Online Entertainment servers. The file reportedly contains the words “We are Legion,” which is the unofficial slogan of the unofficial group”

Ahhhh. Fat kids. We all laugh at them. They are funny. Fat is funny. But why are kids fat? Too much alpha bettie spaghetti? Not enough smoking? Maybe they should be forced to smoke 37 Marlboro reds a day, soon have the pounds tumbling. The obesity in children epidemic could be washed away with a mandatory daily intake of fat shedding smoke. Or not. According to a new study fat kids are the result of bottle feeding. You heard it here second folks. Milk makes you fat.

“Letting a toddler continue to drink from a baby bottle may be a big fat mistake. Kids who stay glued to the bottle after age two are more likely to become obese, according to a new study. Scientists at Temple University tracked about 7,000 babies born in 2001, and found more than one in five were still sipping a bottle at age two. Of these kids, almost 30% were obese by the time they were 5 1/2.

This is what could happen if you dont smoke

Piracy. It’s a crime. Apparently. We are not referring to Johnny Depps latest Pirate adventure (which is another crime. A crime against cinema) but to the Internet music and video kind. But who is to blame? The people who download or the people who make it available to download? Fuck knows. We don’t know and our copyright lawyers are about as much use as a 1-legged sheep dog; so we will leave that decision to the law makers Stateside. We might be close to an answer as CBS, which runs CNET and ZDNET, is being sued for copyright infringement. In a particularly unuseful analogy…….

“Alcohol is legal to purchase to a majority of citizens in the United States. The younger minority, however, fall under strict prohibition. If a youngster buys alcohol illegally, and drink-drives and kills someone, who is responsible? The person driving the car, or the person who sold the alcohol?

Goats don’t make the headlines. Name a famous goat? You can’t, there aren’t any. Elephants have Dumbo, mice have Mickey, rats have Ratatouille, even pigs have Babe. Maybe that is why a West Virginian man went on a goat butchery paranoid trip after snorting too many “bath salts”. Yes, bath salts.

This is a goat. A psycho from Virginia killed it whilst wearing suspenders.

A psychopath from West Virginia put on suspenders, took off his trousers, went next door and killed his neighbours goat!!! crazy bastard. Apparently bath salts are to blame, not the psychos’ mental, paranoid personality.

“found the dead animal lying on the floor, with Thompson, 19, standing half naked and wearing women’s undergarments, according to police.”

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5 Responses to Breaking Blame™ – Man kills neighbours goat whilst wearing womens clothes and high on “Bath Salts”. (plus other stories of Blame you may have missed from the week)

  1. Lauren K on May 7, 2011 at 8:35 am

    Thanks for taking the blame once again in a hilarious fashion! Really enjoyed reading :)

    • Angus W on May 7, 2011 at 8:45 am

      Lauren’s on the ball! YEEHAAW

    • thechef on May 11, 2011 at 12:09 pm

      Merci Lauren K, glad you approve. We will continue to take the blame and point the finger at ineptitude.

  2. Helene on May 10, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Yup, Someone’s gotta take the blame for it so; great job as usual! I’m however still looking for someone who’s willing to take the blame for a 13-year-old kid who’s been encarserated for 2 years, since he was 11, all while they’re trying to figure out whether he’s an adult or a child. Oh and while the real murderer is very likely still roaming the streets at that. In Iran? Nope people! In Pennsylvania USA… Any volonteers?

    • thechef on May 11, 2011 at 12:09 pm

      merci beaucoup. We will look into your request for blame.

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