Friday 13th. The worst date in the Calendar for superstitious nuts. We take the blame™

May 13, 2011

Some say that the devil himself invented Friday 13th. Some don't.

Thank God its Friday? Not today. Thank the Grim Reaper himself. Thank the evil, red-hoofed Beelzebub that basks in the nether regions of Hell, for when Friday the 13th rolls into town, like it has this fine morning, heads will roll and bad shit will happen. Run for your life, take shelter, man up, arm up, stock the larder and cancel the post. The apocalypse is coming and the four horsemen who lead the charge are up to attack speed.

However, if you have to go to the office and cant spend the day cowering under the sheets, hiding from the imminent negativity that is sure to envelop your day, don’t worry, Take the Blame™ is here to absolve your concern. We take the blame for Friday the 13th, quite frankly, because no-one else will.

The doors of Hell flung open at this very moment.

Its like Christmas Day for the Black Arts. This year it arrives just once to spread its superstitious malice, next year it will be three-fold. 2012 is often quoted as the end of the world; with 3 friday 13ths polluting its Gregorian calendar, you can start to see why. More rational people amongst us would have us believe that Friday 13th is a natural coincedence that occurs whenever the first day of the month is a Sunday. They are heretics and not too long ago they would have been burnt at the stake for such foul-mouthed rambling insanity. Friday the 13th happens because Bad Luck happens. Burn the herectics. Burn burn burn. Joan d’arc was barbequed for a lot less than claiming Friday of the 13th was just a Gregorian date.

Friday 13th is a true story.

What, scientifically speaking, happens at middnight on Thursday 12th is not really understood but it has something to do with a devil vortrex which opens up somewhere over Greenland and essentially spirals around the globe in an anti-clockwise direction casting bad luck at anyone foolish enough to believe. In America, where superstition is engrained in the fabric of society, up to 18 million people hold real, documented fear of this day. So much so that they dont venture out of the house if they dont have to (obviously forgetting the terrifying statistics about death and injury in the home. It’s actually where most of the bad shit happens. Friday the 13th or not. More people were injured standing in their kitchen than struck by lightning last year.) and cost the US economy as much as 800 million of their greenbacks. Go figure.

In France, where superstition is frowned upon as a weak and pathetic mental disorder, even there Friday 13th has some kind of influence. The baguette will not be left upside down on the table and should 13 people end up at a dinner party and a 14th guest can’t be found, one unlucky diner will be cast from the party in a bid to even up the positive energy. 13 will not grace the table. Not on this day.

Whats behind door number 13? The Shining. Blood. Ghost children on bikes.

The links between 13 and Friday are everywhere. Hotels do not have a 13th floor. If you ever find yourself in one which does, run, run and run some more. You will not be waking up come morning. The same is true of planes although you can replace floors for seats. There is no 13th seat on a plane. It was removed because it brings bad luck. You can remove a seat and a floor. You can cancel your 13 guest. You can keep an eye on the baguette and you can close your eyes for fear of the black cat. You can avoid the ladder and not break a mirror and you can sing before breakfast if you really want. You canget married in the rain and leave shoes on a table. You can throw salt over your shoulder and wear lucky 4-leafed clovers in a daisy chain around you neck. But you can’t escape the reaper and you can’t change the date. Its Friday 13th 2011 and you have to ask yourself.

Do you feel lucky punk?

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