Breaking News … World did not end on May 21. The Rapture didn’t arrive. We Take the Blame™ for the end of the world (not happening)

May 22, 2011

The Day after the latest End of the World date and we are still standing. Or are we all dead and this is indeed the Rapture?

Well that was a big anti-climax. The World didn’t end on the 21st May 2011 like it was forecast to do. There was no fire and brimstone. There wasn’t 5 continent destroying earthquakes all set up to cascade through the plate tectonics at 6pm local time like an advanced sprinkler system. The Tsunamis didn’t come, the avalanches stayed away and the swarms of locust held fire for another day. The Volcanoes kept their fiery stomachs under wraps and the biblical flooding, although on display in the Mississippi Delta, didn’t get out of hand worldwide. The sun kept shining and didn’t explode in a gargantuan fireball, evaporating everyone and everything in its path. The tornadoes, although destructive all spring, didn’t vortex the world away. The lucky few were not raptured up into space and the unlucky masses were not thrown into the fiery depths of Hell. The world did what it was supposed to and kept on beating. Hurrah for common sense.

In all of the prophecy and doom-mongering and through all of the predictions, everybody forgot about what was going to happen when the World didnt come to an end. Who was going to take the blame when peoples’ foreboding didn’t come true. Take the blame™ would like to take the blame for the end of the World (not happening).

This is the man responsible for the latest doomsday warning; Harold Camping. He is the self-proclaimed leader of the Church of Armageddon, or something like that. He seems to have a bee in his bonnet about something and insists on predicting the end of the world. He did the same thing back in 1994 only on a much smaller scale. They didn’t have the Internet back then so it was much more difficult to get to large amounts of people. Convincing the inept that the world is going to end is, was, and never will be difficult – there are a lot of stupid, gullible people – but getting the message out to enough people was the problem. Not this Judgement Day.

Part of Harold Campings prophecy was a Rapture.

Why May 21st you say? Well Mr Camping is pretty old and likes reading the bible. He has read it many times and must have seen a pattern. Using the power of mathematics and hidden code within the religious text he unlocked the end of the world. According to his calculator May 21st was to be 722,500 days from 1 April AD33, which he believes was the day of the Crucifixion. The figure of 722,500 is important because you get it by multiplying three holy numbers (five, 10 and 17) together twice. Pretty fucking vague. What if you multiply 6 by a carrot and add 3 months. That would be about as much use. Anyway. After coming up with the greatest mathematical feat of all time it was time for a publicity drive.

Fuelled by the coffers of his vast business empire Harold Camping set about publishing the end of the world like a dog on heat. 2000 billboards across America heralded the day. News media across the land picked up on his prophecies. Twitter went ballistic and before you know it there was a global Rapture party. Amongst the maelstrom of media interviews and newspaper articles there was still enough time to do what he loves best; radio broadcasting.

The Family Radio Network is a worldwide business that Mr Camping set up in the 1950s. It now boasts millions of listeners and is worth 120million dollars. It is this net worth, compiled through the generosity of listeners, that enabled Family Radio and Harold Manning to publicise his findings and brainwash unsuspecting followers. And followers he has. In the million. Just exactly what they are doing today, the morning after the night before is anyone’s guess. Probably recalculating and predicting the next end of the world party.

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