Denmark Bans Marmite. (Danish Bacon bans to follow in retaliation?)

May 25, 2011

Banned in Denmark on health grounds. The haters are happy and the lovers are livid.

Denmark has only gone and imposed a nationwide ban on Marmite. If you love Marmite, just let that little sentence sink in for a while…………….. And then thank the Lord above that you don’t live in Copenhagen where shops have already been ordered to withdraw stocks of the bizarre, alien substance from the shelves. We would like to take the blame™ for the poor souls whose only crimes are liking Marmite and living in Denmark and who will never again get to savour the sweet sweet taste of black salt paste on toast.

Marmite, with its rich vitamin b and added minerals, apparently breaks Danish food safety laws. The Danish government has to give permission for such rule breakers to be legally sold. Marmite failed the test. It isnt the first food product to be banned in Denmark, some breakfast cereals with huge amounts of chocolate have already seen the health guillotine behead their chocolate coated flakes. And, get this, Oval fucking tine. Yes, Ovaltine is banned in Denmark. What has Ovaltine ever done to upset anyone? Just ban hot milk.

Danger in a cup. This is a health hazard. Step away from the cup. Repeat, step away from the cup.

For the Europeans out there who have no idea what Marmite is and the kind of emotional response such a ban is going to cause, listen up. The British don’t get worked up about too many things but other nations banning national food products is certainly something to get irate about. Think the French British beef ban which nearly ended in renewed hostilities. There will be uproar in the press and protests in the street and a noticeable backlash on all things Danish. There aren’t too many things to choose from that would hit the Danes where it hurt but there is one thing. Their bacon. Expect a British ban to follow soon.

Just what is all the fuss about? The Marmite food company was formed in 1902 in the English town of Burton-upon-Trent. The location is important because Burton was also home to the biggest beer brewer of the time, Bass Brewery. Beer is important in the story of Marmite because without beer, there would be no Marmite. How does that work you ask? Marmite is a yeast extract product. You need yeast extract. Lots of yeast extract. And where do you get yeast in large quantities? yes, in a brewery. Although the complete recipe is a family secret, essentially to make Marmite, what you do is make lots of beer and then take all of the left over gunk that doesn’t get used in the Beer process, add some salt and minerals and, well, that’s it. Mouth-watering. If you want to eat beer residue. You should be able to.

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