Breaking Blame™ – Barbie in deforestation blame; Obama blames Europe for stuttering economy and Shania Twain in warped love triangle.

June 8, 2011

Hidden amongst the vegetable fallout generated by the unstoppable E. coli outbreak, the last week has seen its fair share of blame being placed. Obviously, as is the norm, most of the blame has been in one direction. So as DSK sits in isolation in a plush, penthouse prison cell in NY; as the cucumbers bathe in their innocence whilst the bean sprouts take the E. coli blame in Europe; as Syria and Libya push, ever-increasingly, silently forward; as European Debt spirals; as the Weiner jokes continue unabated; as the football season closes and the transfer market ticks into money-grabbing overload; as PlayStation continues its battle with hackers and Google and Apple and Facebook squabble like infants; as the world tick-tocks its way ever onwards, just what the hell has been happening out there in the Blame Game? Barbie has been cutting down trees, that’s what.

Barbie on her way to chop down some trees.** chainsaw sold separately

OK, so obviously Barbie herself cannot cut down trees, she is a fictional plastic doll. Greenpeace, however, see her makers Matel, along with the likes of Disney, Hasbro and LEGO, as to blame for deforestation in Indonesia. Eyes are being turned in favour of cheap packaging from Indonesian rain-forests. So say Greenpeace, who approached the accused parties. Encouraged by LEGO (woop for LEGO. Best. Toy. Ever) but disappointed by the others, Greenpeace protesters engaged in some incredibly imaginative and funny shows of their disapproval. Dressed as Ken they broke into the Headquarters with banners.

Barbie: It’s over. I don’t date girls that are into deforestation.

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The United States has a big, badass economy and at the moment it is swimming upriver. Its paddling with the best of them but its hard to paddle anywhere when you are faced with continued level 2 rapids and you are going the wrong way.

Barack Obama blames Europe. Europe Blames cucumbers. Cucumbers plead innocence.

US Unemployment rose .1% between April and May 2011, up to 9.1%. May also saw the lowest hiring figures in over 9 months for the faltering American economy. The Economy is balancing on a wire, its not going backwards, but its not really advancing either. 1 step forward, 1 step back. With Obama and 2012 on a re-election collision course and the economy being top of the re-election mandate, time for some “its not our fault” rhetoric. So who is to Blame? Why Europe and Japan of course. As The President said on his weekly radio broadcast.

“Even though our economy has created more than two million private sector jobs over the past 15 months and continues to grow, we’re facing some tough head winds. Lately, it’s high gas prices, the earthquake in Japan, and unease about the European fiscal situation

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Shania Twain released an album in 1997 called Come on Over. It is now the 10th best selling album of all fucking time. It has sold over 40 million copies worldwide, more than, get this, The Wall from Pink Floyd. More than Led Zeppelin IV. More than Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. More than Nirvana. More than Santana, the Beach Boys, Michael Jackson, The Who, The Rolling Stones, Queen, U2, Simon and Garfunkel. But less than The Backstreet Boys. The World really is a fucked up place when Shania Twain is more popular than The Beatles but less popular than The Backstreet Boys.

But she is unlucky in Love. Or, her best friend is a bitch. Or her husband prefers rock music. Anyway, there is some majorly weird relationship issues going on for the Worlds biggest country star. She got divorced from Robert John Lange because he was having an affair with her best friend Marie-Anne Thiebauld. Ms Twain blames Marie-Anne for the affair, calling her deliberate and calculating. Quite a restrained description. Shania Twain is now happily married to Federic………………………………….yes, Thiebauld. The ex-husband of Marie-Anne, ex best friend who had an affair with the ex Mr Twain.

“You can’t prevent those things from happening,” she mused.

Indeed.

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The Duchess of York is famous for her raging insanity. And for having her toes sucked by a business man on a yacht in somewhere fancy back in 1992 when she was married to Prince Andrew, who she famously used as a bank machine a few years back, by demanding £500,000 from some shady businessmen to set up a meeting with him. Prince Andrew was a British Trade ambassador at the time.

The infamous toe-sucking scandal

Well, now she is in the Blame Game, just like everybody else. In honesty, she has probably played before. This time, in a tearful interview with Oprah Winfrey, she blames her parents for her fragile emotional state.

When she used to hit me because I didn’t sit on my potty or wouldn’t eat, a little vein would come up on the centre of my head near my red hair

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