Gunman, hostage taker and drug felon updates his Facebook whilst mid-siege.

June 22, 2011

Thank you homie. Good looking out

I’m currently in a standoff … kinda ugly, but ready for whatever

I love u guyz and if I don’t make it out of here alive that I’m in a better place and u were all great friends

Got a cute ‘Hostage’ huh

Well i was lettin this girl go but these dumb bastards made an attempt to come in after i told them not to, so i popped off a couple more shots and now were startin all over again it seems …

Script from the latest Jason Stratham hostage blockbuster or the grammatically insane ramblings of a mental, rather inept, criminal from Utah, midway through a botched hostage situation as he updates his Facebook profile? Well, of course, Jason Stratham films don’t really have any words, just deep growling, so it must be the latter.

Jason Valdez kept friends and family updated during his 16-hour armed siege.

What you read above are the Facebook status updates of one Jason Valdez of Ogden, Utah. What is unusual is that these were posted during a 16-hour standoff with police whilst Mr. Valdez was holed up in a motel with a woman named Veronica, whom the police a described as a “hostage”. He was armed with a handgun and a smart phone. Whether it was iPhone or Blackberry has not been disclosed.

The story doesn’t have a happy ending. That said, it didn’t really have a happy beginning, but neither did Bambi, and looked what happened to that. Eventually growing tired of the Facebook updates and the constant page refreshing, the police swamped the motel and Jason Valdez shot himself in the chest! Not the head, the chest. The inept icing on the ineptly made hostage taking cake.

Half was through a stand off with SWAT? time for a quick photo with the hostage.

Obviously you don’t just walk into a motel, take a hostage and start posting social network updates about how the operation is going. It takes some time. Carefully botched crimes need to be undertaken before such a standoff. Enter criminal record. Petty crimes and drug misdemeanours led to aggravated assault and domestic violence in front of a child. Sick and bored of this stench on society prosecutors filed felony and misdemeanour drug possession charges against Mr. Facebookhostagestatusupdate. A hearing on June 1st was ignored and a warrant issued for Mr Valdez’s arrest was issued. On serving the notice the culprits only course of action was to hole himself up in a motel. Which is where the Facebook updates begin.

This man is more popular than you. Look how many comments he gets

During the 16-hour sit-in, Jason Valdez posted 6 updates. He received over 100 replies and added 12 friends. In the middle of an armed standoff with American SWAT, 12 people thought that befriending the villain was a good idea.

During the siege he was given advice. One comment even told him there was a sniper in the bushes and it would be a good idea to keep his head down. Valdez responded with the above photo of him with his hostage (who doesn’t look too flustered by the situation, it has to be said). “Got a cute hostage, huh?” Erm.. that’s debatable.

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One Response to Gunman, hostage taker and drug felon updates his Facebook whilst mid-siege.

  1. EARLIE on June 22, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    it was bad

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