Who said Romance is dead? Man shoots himself to win back the affections of his Ex.

August 2, 2011

Whoever said romance was dead had obviously never met Jordan Cardella from Wisconsin. If they had, they would have discovered that romance is alive and well, living in northern America and shooting itself in the back with a Glock 9 in a vain attempt to win back the affections of the one it once called “girlfriend”. Jordan Cardella wanted his girlfriend back so badly; his heart ached so much; that he forwent flowers, chocolate and all the usual run-of-the-mill romantic gestures and went straight for the horns. Bull horns. In the shape of an automatic weapon. And all because the lady doesnt love Cadburys Milk Tray but because she loves a man with bullet holes in his back. Or at least, one must assume, Monsieur Cardella believed so.

All because the lady loves chocolate, not self-inflicted gun wounds.

After being dumped by his girlfriend, the inept decided that seeing him in hospital, in pain, was the only way to make her realise how much she missed him, how she couldn’t live without him and how much she wanted him back. He concocted a cock and bullshit story with his friend Anthony Woodall whereby he would be shot in what would look like a gang land drive-by. Seeing him in such a state, his girlfriend would instantly fall back in love with him. Easy. Romantic, is it not? Who needs chocolate when you have blood-soaked clothes over multiple gunshot wounds?

Being a convicted felon, touching firearms is a breech of probation and probably an automatic prison sentence, so Mr Cardella called upon the help of his good pal Anthony to administer the medicine. For reasons not given Mr Woodall declined but referred him to one Michael Wezyk who was happy to oblige for some cold hard cash. The deal was set and the inept set out to acquire a gun from the seedy bars of the neighbourhood. Being unsuccessful in this, like in life, they returned to Mr Wezyks home, took the rifle from his house and went  to work. Undeterred by the size of the rifle, Mr Cardella asked to be shot 3 times in the back. With a rifle. erm…. probably a bit overkill for the desired effect, but then Mr Cardella doesn’t do things by half now does he? Flinching at the idea of a romantic gesture swiftly turning into a murder case, Mr Wezyk shot the inept in the arm. Job done.

Well, job done if by job done you mean 2 years probation, 100 hours community service, complete and utter silence from the magical girl at the heart of this story and a, still, very single Jordan Cardella. Take The Blame™ would like to point the finger at some very obvious ineptitude.

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