Police Quango spends £6.5m on lingerie, judo and Karaoke in a bid to cut spending

August 31, 2011

A quango is not  a soft drink; it is not a South American dictator, nor indeed an Amazonian reptile. It is not a colour and it is not a pretentious name for a pretentious bar. In fact, it is an acronym for quasi-autonomous non-governmental organisation and is pretty much as interesting as it sounds. Don’t all rush at once. The term first appeared in the late 1960s but it wasn’t until the doom-laden 80s that they really took off, popping into existence as often as the french transport system goes on strike.

This is a Kumquat. Not a Quango. A Quango is not a Kumquat and a Kumquat is not a Quango. Kapisch?

What does one do in a Quango? God knows. Essentially they are tax payer ran, non governmental organisations which regulate behaviour, carry out public services, give advice, offer consultation and, oh yeah, spend lots of money on things which have no connection with anything the Quango was originally created to do, palming off weak excuses to the very public who fund the strange named organisations in the first place.

OK, not all Quangos are so reckless in their ineptitude, but some are, and since we are here to highlight the ineptitude which oozes through the very fabric of society, let us begin. Step forward the Police Quango on Efficiency. Just swill that around your mouth before you continue. Efficiency. Such a lovely word. Efficient. Efficient what? Spending? OK, a police Quango on efficient spending. How to spend efficiently. Have you mulled it over enough?

So when you are set up to streamline police spending, to make police spending efficient, where do you begin? How about a karaoke machine? How about sexy lingerie? How about a trip to Edinburgh fucking zoo? How about… Bowling? Ten pin bowling. Yes, lets go ten pin bowling on a police spending Quango. Because that is exactly how you streamline police spending. You go ten pin bowling. Strike 1 to ineptitude.

Over the course of two years a police Quango spent over 2 million of your hard earned pounds on shit. On stuff you might spend a bank holiday Monday doing or a Friday night wining and dining the missus or trying to get into the pants of another. The National Policing Improvement Agency, your ineptitude is special. According to their website, they are,

The NPIA provides critical national services to support frontline policing. It helps the police to save money, operate more efficiently and enables us all to live in a safer society.

“We help the police save money”. Credit cards dished out to 150 members of the Improvement agency staff resulted in a hefty €20 000 average spent by each over the 2 years between 2008 and 2010, according to credit card statements, available to public viewing under freedom of information acts. As well as all of the aforementioned DIY garbage, the Quango also bought…….. golf trips, flowers, duck rides (WTF!), hotels, restaurants, lawnmowers…. need we go on?

Excuses given matched the audacity of the spending and include criminal set design for trainees as reason for buying the lingerie; the grass needed cutting and we all like ten pin fucking bowling. Gross mismanagement. Reckless, frivolous unnecessary spending by the inept. Take The Blame would like to point the finger and take the blame for other people spending your money on things you cant afford to buy.

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