Things to do in Denver when you’re dead – 2 men arrested for driving corpse to the pub.

September 17, 2011

Two men from Denver drive around with a corpse

Denver Colorado is home to more professional sports teams than any other state in America. Denver Colorado, humble gold-mining town turned winter wonderland, has more parks than any other city in The United States – over 250 of them. Denver Colorado or The Mile High City, as it is known to many, sits 5280 feet above sea level, making its moniker mathematically perfect. Denver Colorado lays claim to 300 days of sunshine every year, boasts one of the most perfect mountain locations in mainland America and is full of the healthiest population in America. To put it bluntly, Denver Colorado is one mighty fine place to live. So why, if the city is so idyllic, so perfect, so steeped in everything that is good in life, does it harbour such callous ineptitude as was unearthed this week when two of its delinquent patrons took it upon themselves to drive one of their ‘friends’ to the pub? Oh yeah, when he was dead.

Denver. Some say that come the Second Coming, Denver will be the place to be. It is really that great.

Whether Robert Jeffrey Young (43) and Mark Rubinson (25) had been watching the 1989 film Weekend at Bernies before they undertook their mission of ineptitude is unclear, what is clear is that their crime bares an uncanny resemblance to the plot line of the cult film. In the film two men discover their boss has been killed by The Mafia and, to enjoy the fruits of his multi-million dollar beach-house, pretend he hasn’t actually died. What follows next, as the two protagonists try to convince an unsuspecting world -via strings and sunglasses – that their host is not dead, is a comedy of errors. In real life however, such Hollywood lunacy is not funny, not clever but dark and quite sick and being replicated in Denver Colorado.

The story unfolded when Rubinson received a call from his friend Young telling him that their friend Jeffrey Jarrett was, how shall we put this, unresponsive, not moving… dead. Rubinsons first response was not what you would think: going to the police or hospital was far from his mind. No, what these two needed was some beer, tequila, a nice little drinking binge, maybe some strippers and a helping of dinner in a fine restaurant. All on their dead friends credit card of course.

After discovering their dead friend the three men’s first port of call was Teddys T-bar and grill. Whilst Rubinson and Young chowed down on some lovely rump steak, their friend sat motionless in the back seat of Rubinson’s Lincoln Navigator, the blacked out windows masking the true, oxygen starved, already decomposing corpse. The next stop was a drink at Sam’s No. 3 before heading onto the nights showcase event. After dropping the long dead body of Jarrett at his home, some naked ladies were on the menu for these pair of Denver’s finest gutter juice. But first another meal. This time at Viva Burrito, their dining habits obviously as classy as their moralistic code of honour. After withdrawing 400 dollars from the Jarrett account, the pair headed to Glendale strip club where they remained until closing. They eventually hailed a police man at around 4am and alerted the authorities to their dead friend.

These two wined and dined themselves whilst their dead friend sat in their car

Take the Blame would like to highlight the ineptitude of two morally empty shells of vermin who have cast an unwanted, dirty, evil and dark cloud over one of the worlds most appealing cities. To the people of Denver, we are sorry that such people live in your midst.

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