Botched beer heist goes calamitously wrong.

September 23, 2011

How much could possibly go wrong in the search for a cold beer after a long days’ work? You wouldn’t have thought much, but then you wouldn’t really be thinking, because one hell of a lot can go wrong if you are blessed with the ineptitude gene, reside in Covina, Los Angeles and have the mental abilities of a rotting carcass. Unbelievably there were three such blessed on Wednesday.

The mugshot says it all. INEPT

Andy Huynh, Nicholas Kalscheuer and Nicholas Fiumetto (check out the mugshots) managed to screw up getting a beer so incredibly well that they now sit in a Los Angeles prison cell, awaiting a court hearing on $50 000 bail. So just how did they manage such a feet? It wasn’t easy. At every step in the evenings proceedings it would have been infinitely times easier to not end up in prison.

Step 1. Don’t buy the beer, steal the beer.

Baja Ranch Market, 3pm. Andy Huynh remains in the car whilst his comrades enter the shop. So far so good. Getaway driver, check.

Step 2. Cock things up royally. Avoid stealth. Avoid cunning.

Fiumetto grabs a 30-pack of beer. Decides not to look cagey and hide said beer up his jumper but just bolts from the shop, Kalscheur at his heels.

Step 3. Get chased by shop workers.

Forgetting 21000 episodes of Cops which end in bullets being sprayed and bloodshed, shop workers run after culprits with complete disregard for well-being. Capture 19-year old Kalscheur and detain until police arrive.

Step 4. Up the stakes.

Realising that things have taken a dramatic turn for the worst Fiumetto jumps in the car and Huynh – the getaway driver! His job was to get away, lets not forget – drives straight at a shop worker who jumps on the bonnet of the car. Genius. The shop workers have now entered the battleground of ineptitude. Without even exiting the car park, the car hits a curb and the two remaining assailants run off. Only they don’t get far.

Step 5. Leave you wallet and identification in the car.

Andy Huynh actually managed to escape the scene of the crime – Quite a feet of ingenuity considering what had come before – only to find the police knocking at his door a few minutes later with his wallet and ID in hand. Nice work sir.

Step 6. Run into a car wash, get wet, get caught.

Whilst Mr. Huynh was busy forgetting his wallet, Fiumetto was busy getting wet. He jumped over the retaining wall into the neighbouring car wash, hotly pursued by two police officers. Perhaps hoping to hide amongst the rollers and soap of the mechanical car wash, he darted straight inside. Yep, pincer manoeuvre by the police saw the suspect quite easily apprehended when he exited the car wash, soaking wet and foam on his head.

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