The closing stages of the 1980′s were famous for the tearing down of The Berlin Wall and Milli Vanilli. That they were both created in Germany is the only similarity that they share. In the 21 years which have passed since the un-masking of the damned, many things have been written, many irrelevant [...]
Archive for the ‘Drugs’ Category
Inept Drug smuggler hides cocaine in clams. Gets caught. Obviously.
Friday, September 9th, 2011
This is a clam. It is not for smuggling drugs
This is a clam. If ever something was designed for not smuggling drugs in, then this was probably it. It is small. It is a mollusc. In what world would you fill these with cocaine and attempt to smuggle them into America? Oh yes, this world. This one which is full of ineptitude.
Top 10 global drug smugglers? None of them; not Escobar, not Marks, not Fuentes, not Loera, not even your local dope peddler, would think to smuggle drugs into The United States of America in a bag of clams. Even Birds Eye wouldn’t do it. So why did David Pocasangre Vaquiz from Venuezela do it? The reason is probably his ineptitude and why he is not a global drug lord but a small time crook smuggling a poultry 5 ounces of Cocaine into Dulles airport.
After arriving at the Virginia airport on a flight from Panama Mr Vaquiz passed through airport security and set some noses wagging. Initially it could well have been the smell. Most good cooks and Jamie Oliver advise you to keep clams thoroughly chilled during transportation and to eat as quickly as possible on removal from the sea. They also recommend not eating them if they are warm, dead or refuse to open when boiled. There is nothing about what you should do if they have been glued shut, stuffed in a handbag and carried half away across the United States of America.
Sea food tends to perish when exposed to high aeroplane cargo hold temperatures and with this comes a putrid smell. Perhaps it was this stench which first lead the airport staff to X-ray the hand baggage of the passenger who smelled of rotting fish. The X-ray showed clams full of cocaine.
The end result of such incompetence is obviously going to be a prison sentence where Mr Vaquiz will have plenty of time to concoct some more ingenious smuggling concepts.
Strange white powders, fishing and death. If ever there was reason to NOT put things you find floating in the Ocean up your nose, then this is it.
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011And as if you ever needed one. Right? Wrong. This story is no Finding Nemo or The Little Mermaid and as sure as the nuclear contamination coursing through the gills of the fish in the bay of Fukushima , Disney and Pixar will not be diving back into the deep blue sea for their next children’s blockbuster and basing it on this story of ineptitude. Mainly because the beginning and the end are pretty much the same thing, end in death and are about as happy as Bambi on an acid come down.
Out on a sailing trip with his brother Kenneth, Thomas Swindal, 53 years old and really the age of someone who should know better, saw something floating in the water. Normally, at least if you frequent the beautiful coastal beaches of The United Kingdom, if you see something floating in the water, the last place (or maybe penultimate place) you would want to put it is up your nose. But this isn’t Skegness, this is Miami, Florida, where the water runs clear as viper venom and the men who sail upon it think nothing of snorting strange white substances which could have fallen from the submerged cocaine hold of a Mexican drug sub, hitched a ride on the Miami current and bobbed right into their fishing net. Because Mexican is the new Colombian when it comes to cocaine. Only what Thomas Swindal, 53 (because, really, you should know better) white lined up his chevy chase wasn’t Al Pacino’s left overs, but something far worse.
Trade: Phenodihydrochloride Benzelex, Street: The embalmer
About 90 minutes after intoxication, the last remaining Swindal brother and the one who didn’t snort the mysterious white powder, reports that things took a turn for the Dead Calm, crazy man on a boat worse.
Such was his distress at his brothers bizarre behaviour Kenneth confiscated all the other sharp objects from the boat and tossed them overboard, along with the remaining white substance. Sadly, this was too little too late and Thomas Swindall later succumbed to his poison.
Take The Blame™ would like to advise you all, under no circumstances, snort strange looking substances you find floating in the open sea. Because it probably didnt get sterilised and hand wrapped by fair skinned virgins from the Galapagos islands. It probably came from here…..
Take your pick from mysterious white looking powder you shouldn't be snorting.
