The futures bright. Hopefully not mushroom cloud orange.

In February 2005 Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez accused America of entertaining ideas of political assasination whilst he himself was entertaining the Venezuelan people with his weekly radio and TV show. Now, 7 years on, he has upped the ante and brought nuclear war into the equation by blaming the United States for possible nuclear war in the Middle East.

Once again using his weekly TV and radio broadcasts he has pointed his big chubby finger at the United States, accusing them of inciting War, and this time there could be reason to his madness. Tensions between Tehran and the West have been increasing by the hour as more evidence of Iran’s determination to produce its own nuclear arsenal unsettles the (extremely temperamental) status quo. Only last week the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) released a report on the Iranian nuclear program highlighting its fears and concerns about the military connotations of its program.

“The Agency has serious concerns regarding possible military dimensions to Iran’s nuclear programme….. (The IAEA encourages Iran) to engage substantively with the agency without delay for the purpose of providing clarifications regarding possible military dimensions to Iran’s nuclear program.” Worrying.  The report in its entirety is available here.

So there is concern in the West that The Republic of Iran is gearing up for weapons capabilities. What that capability represents in terms of stability in the Middle East is a hornets nest, and a nest that Hugo Chavez believes the Americans are going to possibly eradicate with a big red button. To make matters worse the rhetoric coming out of Tehran is not exactly passive. Ahmadinejad is not known for bowing to pressure. During last years rounds of political pressure and sanctions he had this to say.

“They know that there is a sleeping lion in Iran which is waking up and if she wakes up all the relationships in the world will change. Their (The West) pathetic acts show they know what a great human power is hidden in Iran.”

With Iran being provocative in its flaunting of increased nuclear capabilities and The United States adamant on preventing nuclear proliferation proliferating further, then perhaps Chavez, although delusional with his cries of nuclear war, is not so far off the mark with his war prediction. Britain has already stepped up its military plans for Iranian (specific, nuclear targets) attack by examining where best to deploy Royal Navy ships and tomahawk laden submarines. And then there is America and Israel.

Whether Israel has the capabilities to destroy the nuclear facilities of Iran sufficiently enough to put back the nuclear program, or indeed stop it all together or not, talk of attack is already advanced. As recently as early November the Israeli cabinet was discussing attacks on Iranian facilities in the immediate future; a strategy that has been met with both support (by Iranian Prime minister and Defence secretary Binyamin Netanyahu and Ehud Barak respectively) and opposition. Any attack from Israel would be, as Iran has often stated, see retaliation against America.

And what of America? With an election looming and a population, for all their patriotism, which must be growing tired of war after war – four and counting – Americas current administration must fear another invasion, and that’s without even bringing the cost of war during a possible double dip recession into question. The population would be against it, parts of Capital Hill would be against it, the battle weary would be against it and with every escalation of war, the stakes are rising. Should Iran be invaded then the outcome is earth shattering. China and Russia have been supplying weapons for years and China is Irans biggest buyer of Oil, indeed most of China’s imported oil comes from Iran. So whose side are they on? For any security council sanctions to come to fruition then full council support is needed. With China and Russia holding vetos, there is… oh, about Fat Chance of anything coming to pass there.

Should Iran get the bomb then The West could see a cataclysmic shift in oil distribution from the Middle East, especially, as many commentators point out, the real victims of Iran obtaining fully functional nuclear weapons would not be Israel but Iran’s other close neighbours: UAE, Bahrain and Saudi Arabia. The picture is bleak. But not as bleak as the one below.

Alledged American military prescence. Iran is surrounded.

Back in the 7th Century, when the Chinese were harassed by evil spirits, dastardly ghosts and were afflicted by all things spooky and without explanation, they blew the hell out of them with the precursor to what we know today as fireworks. In reality they were probably little more than bamboo firecrackers that made a loud bang, but they did the trick. No more evil spirits and China now sits on the edge of World domination. Coincidence? Probably not.

The Chinese did for fireworks what the French did for cheese. And neither of them belong in coffee machines

Initially the “devil sticks”, as they were probably known by the local busybodies, caused little of a stir outside of the Occult. That is until some Chinese military men put one and two together and started blowing people up. By the 14th century the Chinese had a missile weapons system that would make the feeble arsenals of many-a-crackpot modern day dictator green with envy. Whilst Guy Fawkes’s parents were little more than an embryo, the Chinese were rocking the gunpowder and firework plot for all it was worth. What were they packing? According to the Huolongjing, a Chinese book of war which was written during the Ming dynasty (1368-1649) and roughly translated in English as Firedrake Manual - or the worlds first online bomb making guide – it was a fucking firestorm.

So the Chinese Ming got all of this from a pretty little firework. What about stateside? Fast forward 600 years to modern day Colorado. Durango, Colorado. Enter Sean Michael Odgen, no dragon. He put fireworks into a coffee grinder in a lame attempt to make a bigger firework. The ensuing blast shook the neighbours house and left Mr. Odgen with some serious burns. And this is why The Chinese will de-throne America; because whilst the Chinese took the little firework and created the worlds most advanced, deadly and yet beautiful military machine ever assembled, the Americans put them in a coffee grinder.

Put fireworks in here if you are inept.

Our ethos is simple, we are here to take the blame. Apparently we live in a blame culture; and in a blame culture there needs to be someone who you can turn to when there is nobody else who will shoulder your blame. Whatever the reason, whatever the occasion, we are there for you. From the simple and the transparent – be it stubbing your toe or spilling your tea; waking up late for work or missing the bus – to the arduous, perplexing, intricate and convoluted – your dog died; you hate your boss; the IOC decided to oust you from your abode and build an Olympic sized Ice-rink in your back garden and erect an athletes village in your once pristine street-market turning a once thriving local community into a dull and bland advert for a hotch-potch amalgamation of too much glass, no class and student residents. We are there. Blame us.

Politics, science, philosophy, food, revolution, environment, education, celebrity, television, crime, animals, history, love, money, relationships, family, sport, technology, travel, war, weather, health, business, birthdays, parties, celebrations, drugs, employment, nature………….and breathe…………..cybercrime, nuclear energy, credit cards, pornography, computer games, graffitti, hollywood. Kitchen sink. There is blame.

If you have anything you want us to take the blame for. Tell us. Let us know. Post a link. Send a letter. And we will publish an apology, allowing you to sleep soundly, safe in the knowledge that the blame rests with us. Go on, don’t be shy.

The horrors of war will never be truly witnessed by those that do not actually fight. CNN and rolling news may go some way to portraying the violence and day-to-day occurrences, but they are viewed through a glass box and edited and controlled. The propaganda trail is as long as the bloody history it seeks to document. Books are a better way but word of mouth is the best. Not only can it document the horrors but also the niceties, and there are niceties in war however warped. One thing that there isn’t enough of in war is apologising. Perhaps it shows weakness in the eyes of the enemy, perhaps most are not sorry for the heinous crimes they commit. Governments do not apologise, armies do not apologise, commanding officers do not apologise. Have you ever heard anybody apologise for war? Bob Dylan sang about it, that was probably as close as we ever got.

In October of 1942 the defence ship SS City of Cairo left the port of Bombay and headed home to England, unescorted. Its route was to take it via Durban and Cape Town in South Africa and then Pernambucco in Brazil. During much of the voyage it would be sailing through occupied waters. German U-boats were patrolling. It was on the second leg, 2000 miles from Brazil when tradegy struck. U-68, captained by Karl-Friedrich Merten, struck the SS City of Cairo with a missile and the order to abandon ship was given. Unescorted and thousands of miles from land, any chance of survival was slim to none. After some 20 minutes, U-68 fired again and sank the SS Cairo. The story then takes on a different account.

U-68 surfaced and gave the survivors their location (2000 miles from Brazil, 1000 from Africa and 500 from the island of Helena). He then uttered one of the most famous apologies in memory and wished the survivors a good night. “Goodnight, and sorry for sinking you.” And he meant it. The survivors of SS City of Cairo were picked up some 2 weeks later near the island of Helena.

Read the full article of war bravery here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/ww2peopleswar/stories/77/a4440377.shtml